Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Dreamt of space aliens and doughnuts.

As I'm writing this it was only the night before that I had one of the weirdest dreams in quite a while. It wasn't exactly a nightmare, but then again I wouldn't say it was pleasant either. It was however, rather bizarre to say the least.

So just before I went to bed, I jokingly tweeted (on Twitter, obviously) that I was already asleep with a few Z's and that I was "dreaming of cruising down the streets of Newcastle in the Bat-Mobile, wearing my birthday suit". Then I perused Sophie Horn's hooters on my phone, as a replacement for bedtime stories for when I was child, then went to sleep which might have been due to less blood flowing to my brain and more of it down...

Anyway, next thing I knew, I just arrived at the terminal of some airport. I wasn't sure whether I was catching a flight or if I had just landed from one. It looked like Neo-Tokyo to me, with all the hi-tech architecture and cyberpunk feel surrounding me. As I was in the terminal, sitting, waiting patiently for God-knows what, the big glass ceilings shattered all of a sudden as figurines of 7-foot giants just fell from the sky and onto the marbled floor.

With mostly cyborg-looking bodies and wavy pink tentacles on their equally pinkish heads, these aliens highly resembled the baddies from Crysis 2, a console game that I recently bought. And if you knew me to any extent, let me just clarify that "tentacles" and "aliens" really did appear in my dream, it is not an excuse for me to write hentai "cartoon porn" fan-fiction simply because no such theme ever occurred in my dream (much to my disappointment, might I add).

These aliens, much like the ones in Crysis 2, had the intention of wiping out the human race which was very apparent as they started shooting their Star-Trek style assault rifles in all directions. But rather than panicking or being defenceless, it just so happened that I too, at the time, had an equally awesome plasma rifle that I just so happened to have in my inventory (it is a dream remember?). And by inventory I mean said weapon just popped out of my ass as if I was Nico Bellic in GTA:IV who could miraculously whip out his bazooka out of his suit, track-bottoms or whatever he chooses to wear on a Wednesday evening.

So in an attempt to look like a bad-ass with the convenient excuse of self defence, I started firing back at these aliens. And so started an epic laser-gun fight, epic within the limitless boundaries of my wild and somewhat pervy imagination. Carousels were destroyed beyond repair from laser fire, trolleys and airport luggage blown to smithereens, and the duty-free shop was burnt to hell and was giving off a weirdly erotic smell, perhaps due to the combined smoke coming from the exotically flavoured tobacco.

After an hour and a half (in dream-world) of trading what was essentially highly polarised and concentrated light beams, I finally prevailed by head-shooting the lot of them, and after killing 7 aliens in a row, my iBlackBerry beeped, indicating that I had the opportunity to call in back-up in the form of a Harrier with a mini-gun attached to it. I called it in, and the bird of steel was being such a bastard to these aliens that it's killing spree for some reason rewarded me with even more death from above in the form of a Chopper Gunner, and a after few kills later from death being shat from above, my dreamt up iBlackBerry prompted me to use some Tactical Nuke which was now at my disposal. Having played Modern Warfare 2 for quite sometime, I should have realised that activating my Tactical Nuke meant the death of everything. So in my dream, I saved the world from an alien invasion at the expense of the whole world itself.

Even after the demise of everything as we know it, I still had some kind of consciousness and can only conclude that I was in the afterlife, and despite all of my sins, I was in heaven. I came to this sort of reasoning because a) I was supposed to be dead after that Tactical Nuke and b) All of a sudden I was lying on top a mountain of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Were they assorted Krispy Kreme doughnuts? No, they were of the good ol' sugar glazed kind, which has always been the darling of doughnuts for me.

Just as I was about to take a bite of heaven, my iPhone rang. My iPhone in real-life. The same iPhone which I'm using to write this blog now. It's quite upsetting really, when your dream is interrupted by a phone call. Especially when that dream was starting to get pleasant. Especially when that pleasant dream wouldn't have lead to the risk of changing the bedsheets afterwards.

I'll admit that this isn't the best piece of writing I've come up with, but that's because I was more focused on telling the story of my dream as it was rather than anything else, really. Having said that, next time, rather than trying to fill up what is supposed to be my blog with boring-ass dreams, I shall write about the things I normally write about. Rants and a whole load of shit.

And maybe come up with some hentai fan fiction featuring pink tentacles.

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